The Psychological Experimentation
by Kaseyonline
Summary: Takes place right around episode 9x12 when Leonard and Penny see Dr. Gallo with some spoilers. Leonard and Penny learn to talk about themselves and their life together. NOW COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Spoiler Alert if you haven't seen the January 7, 2016, episode 9x12. Most of the story takes place afterward but references are there, and you've been warned. Enjoy and review if you get a chance please and thank you.**

-ONE-

Funny, Penny thought it wouldn't be such a big deal to pitch those meds to that shrink. Probably wouldn't have been if the doctor was a man. She always had a gift for getting guys to do her bidding, but women were a different story. That was why she thought the best course of action was to send her husband in pretending to be a new patient. With all his battle scars, Leonard would have no trouble acting like he needed professional help.

He did. With a mother who used him as some perpetual psychological experiment, Leonard could spend the rest of his life in therapy and possibly only scrape off a layer or two of the onion that was his psyche.

What Penny didn't expect was that her husband would find his session to be so liberating. She was so focused on getting the sale that she frankly didn't care too much about any breakthroughs he might have had. And for that, she was feeling a bit guilty.

But the second thing that she did not see coming was how much she wanted to talk with this doctor about herself. She never professed to be into psychobabble unless it involved mediums, tarot card readers or astrologers. Freud, Skinner, and Jung were men she had never heard of, and most likely wouldn't have cared what they had to say about her feelings anyway.

Once she was on the couch, Penny's thoughts and feelings just seemed to pour out. Did she think she was Leonard's mother? No, not really. But there were some similarities between the women. Both were strong, formidable women whom Leonard loved and whom could influence Leonard's actions like no other woman has ever been able to. The thing was that Penny had never used her strength of character to influence a man before. Her figure, her eyes, her dazzling personality – yes those influenced many a man. But her character? Hardly.

It wasn't that Penny was overly superficial exactly, but delving deep inside herself for insights into her psyche was never a consideration for her to spend time on. Maybe it was facing 30, and feeling that her looks and figure were not going to last very much longer. Maybe it was getting married which was a huge and sincerely probably the scariest endeavor she had undertaken. Maybe it was feeling that there was something missing in her life that she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.

When she got home, she seemed distant to Leonard. He tried to approach her on it, but she waved him off. Penny said she was going to her apartment to take a long, hot bath. Leonard asked if he could join her.

"I did something crazy today," he said excitingly wanting to share it with his wife.

"Oh honey, I just want to relax," she replied. Leonard was sad but tried not to let Penny see his face. He watched as she left his apartment.

His apartment? Her apartment? Since when do married people have separate apartments DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM EACH OTHER? Leonard plopped down in the chair he always sat in and sighed. So much for the elation, he felt earlier.

To Leonard, talking to a psychiatrist was like going home. He figured out a long time ago that since his mother mainly used him as a symbol of who not to be or what no to do in life, his self-esteem was non-existent. Talking with Dr. Gallo got his feelings concerning himself and his relationship with his mother out of the basement at the very least.

Yeah stopping at that house to jump rope with a few tweens was a silly idea, and he wasn't sure many would understand why he felt compelled to do it. All his life, he felt like he had to do the right thing in the right order at the right time. Ridicule or disappointment was ever present, and Leonard was starting to realize that maybe this was not his character flaw. Maybe there was just no pleasing his mother and that was a reflection on her and not on him. How enlightening! Maybe he should jump rope more often.

An hour or so later, Leonard went over to Penny's apartment with Chinese food. He set the dishes out on the coffee table and called to his wife. He heard a type of growl come from the bathroom. He yelled that he had gotten dinner since it was late and he thought she might be as hungry as he was. He heard another growl and then movement in the bathroom. Penny came out a couple of minutes later; her hair wrapped up in a towel and an old robe tied tightly around her.

"Haven't seen that robe in a while," Leonard said pouring her a glass of wine.

"My favorite is at your place."

"Doesn't that sound stupid?" Leonard said sitting down and grabbing some rice.

"What?"

"Having your place and my place when we are a married couple."

"Well we were trying to be nice to Sheldon," Penny said with little enthusiasm.

"Yes remind me why we are doing that?" Leonard asked seriously.

"Because we're nice people?" She half asked, half stated. Sheldon's annoying personality outweighed at times any endearing qualities he might have, but he was going through a very rough and newly emotional time. But things were better with Sheldon and Amy, so he was in a much better place now.

"How long are we going to have to be nice?" Leonard said showing a mean streak that he didn't always let out.

"Sheldon and Amy are back together and have taken their relationship to the next level. Maybe he's ready for us to move out," Penny said taking a bite of the chicken. "The question though is are you ready?"

"Me? I was ready to move in here the day I met you," he said smiling sweetly at his wife.

"That's not what I mean, and you know it."

"Do you think I don't want to live with you?" Leonard asked confused.

"No, not at all. But you have to agree that you and Sheldon have a weird relationship. You hate him most times, yet you fiercely defend him. You say he bothers you, yet you will stay awake at night worrying if he's going to be alright."

"Dr. Gallo wasn't sure he was real," Leonard said.

"She mentioned that to me also. I called him our man-child who gives me a fine for using too much toilet paper."

"Things like that make him sound unreal," Leonard replied.

"Maybe, what is more, unreal is how we stick around for the abuse he dishes out most of the time."

"So should we just move in here totally?" Leonard asked ignoring the insinuation that he had some attachment to Sheldon that he wasn't ready to sever.

"The apartment isn't big enough for all our stuff. Your Star Wars collection will take up most of the bedroom. And then there's the Star Trek gadgets and the comic books," Penny said looking around. "Where would we put it all?"

"It would make it easier for us if Sheldon would just move in here and give us the two bedroom apartment."

"I don't think he would ever go for that. Besides, I think that Amy will move in soon. At least, if she does then it would make it easier for us to be here full-time," Penny said.

"What about looking for a house?" Leonard asked somewhat seriously. Penny looked at him surprised. "Between the income from both of our jobs, I think we could find something in the same neighborhood as Howard and Bernadette."

"What would Sheldon say?"

"I say we stop asking that question when it involves our future," Leonard suggested.

"Wow Dr. Gallo sure helped you to man up," Penny said with pride. Leonard looked a little dejected, but thought about it and shook his head in agreement.

"She helped me to see how I'm trying too hard to win everyone's approval. Sort of in place of the approval I never got from my mother."

"She is really good and doesn't make you cry like your mother," Penny replied. "I would like to continue seeing her."

"I was thinking the same thing," Leonard replied. "It might mean we have to postpone buying a house for a while. Therapy can be expensive."

"I don't have to see her," Penny said sadly. Leonard shook his head.

"No, you should do what makes you happy. You came home today looking upset. I don't like to see you like that."

"I just have a lot on my mind, and it's overwhelming," Penny said putting down her plate.

"So keep seeing the doctor and maybe she can help you feel less stressed." Penny smiled and slid over towards her husband looking for a hug. Leonard put his plate down and gathered her in his arms. They leaned back and snuggled, fitting perfectly together.

"I was thinking that there might be another good reason not to look for a house right now," Penny said after a while. Leonard opened his sleepy eyes.

"What's that?"

"I think I want to quit my job and try acting again."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

-TWO-

Leonard stared at his wine glass for what seemed like an eternity. Penny knew what she said was going to shock him, but she didn't think it would make him catatonic. She went to touch his hand, but he jerked away. Penny bit her lower lip.

"Please say something," she practically begged. Leonard came back to the living, picked up his wine glass and downed the contents. He tried to put the glass on the table as gently as possible, but the noise seemed to reverberate in his ears. Penny got up and walked over to the island and stood behind it, seemingly for protection from the verbal assault she assumed would be forthcoming.

"You want to try acting again," Leonard repeated, and then looked over to his wife. "May I ask what brought you to this decision?"

"While I was talking to Dr. Gallo.." she started, but Leonard cut her off.

"You were there to make a sale not change the direction of your life," Leonard said abruptly.

"You sounded so happy that you had spoken to her, and she was so nice. All of a sudden, I found myself laying down on the couch and talking about my life."

"Isn't it our life?" Leonard asked.

"How much of your marathon session included me?" Penny countered.

"More than yours probably," Leonard muttered and then got up.

"Is this a contest?"

"I don't know what THIS is," Leonard replied hotly. He picked up his paper plate and the rest of his dinner and threw it in the trash. He grabbed his jacket and walked to the door.

"Are you leaving?" she asked sadly.

"I am going to go start packing my things. I'll have to find a storage place to put most of my stuff. Hopefully, Sheldon will be over at Amy's, so I don't have to deal with him right now." Leonard opened the door.

"So we are okay?" Penny asked puzzled. He seemed angry with her a minute ago, and then switched to sounding resigned.

"Sure. Aren't we always?" he replied sorrowfully. He glanced at her and then walked out, closing the door quietly behind him.

Penny watched the closed door, hoping that Leonard would come back in and they could talk this out. She didn't want him just to acquiesce to her whenever she wanted to do something. They were a team supposedly. She knew she hadn't acted like that previously, but she wanted to change that. She grabbed a fresh bottle of wine and brought it over to the couch. She sat down and poured herself a glass. She sipped it slowly, thinking.

The whole concept of marriage was new to the both of them obviously, and they had quite a few kinks to work out. It was more than just the living arrangements or her wanting to quit her job. They weren't thinking as a team. Oh, they acted unified on smaller details, but when push came to shove, Penny did not think to confer with Leonard on a lot of things as much as he didn't think to do so with her.

Were they so damaged by their past that they couldn't move forward without dealing with all that baggage? Penny was not one who wanted to work that hard to resolve an issue, but she didn't want to gloss over things anymore either. And she sure as heck didn't want Leonard just blindly following along. Or did she?

She guessed maybe she did. It had never really occurred to her that he wouldn't be anything but supportive of her wanting to get back into acting. Hadn't he learned from his previous mistakes when he didn't support her endeavors? Didn't he say that he thought she was talented, maybe not Oscar worthy talented, but gifted nonetheless after seeing her in _A Streetcar Named Desire_?

Penny finished off her first glass of the new bottle of wine and decided to employ something that Dr. Gallo had suggested. She grabbed her tablet and opened up the word processing application. Instead of writing to her diary, she addressed it to her husband.

 _Leonard:_

 _The doctor probably told you how helpful it is to write things down. How it clears your mind. You know I've kept a diary for years, but I wanted to say this to you. Since you're not here right now, I thought I would write it down for you to read later when you come home. At least, I am hoping you will come home to me tonight._

 _It was wrong that I blurted out that I wanted to quit my job and try acting again. I should have eased into it and told you how I felt before I made that decision. I probably should have talked to you before I made that decision too. Man marriage is hard work._

 _I don't want you to go blindly along with whatever I want because you feel you have no voice in it. You do. You are my husband and what you say matters a great deal to me. That is probably why it hurts that you don't think I can make it as an actress. I guess you're just trying to be honest._

 _Ever since I grew boobs, to be frank, I was able to use my looks, my figure and my charms to get what I want. When I was talking to Dr. Gallo, I realized two things. One was that my looks and figure were not going to last forever. The other thing was that being married to you means that I don't have to use my charm to get my way with you, and that left me wondering what I bring to this relationship._

 _I enjoy making the money I do with this rep job, but I'm not passionate about it. I like being able to afford nice things, but after a while, I found that it didn't make me as happy as it used to. When I was trying to be an actress, that dream of finding that career starting role kept me going. The heartbreak of not finding it was tough, but I admit I jumped at the chance to be self-sufficient. Maybe I just don't know what I want._

 _Except for you. I know I want you. I love being your wife. But I want this living arrangement to be settled. I know I suggested we help Sheldon out. I tend to give into our little man-child too much. Do you think I will be like that with our kids?_

Woah, where did that come, she thought. Better to not delve into that particular subject at present.

 _Anyway, I wish you would come home so you can read this and we can talk about it._

She was about to type the ending of her diary letter when the door opened, and Leonard walked in. He closed the door and locked it before he turned to look at her. When he did, she smiled shyly. That gave him the courage that he needed to approach her and sit down beside her.

"What are you doing?" he asked eying the tablet.

"I was writing in my journal to you," she replied.

"I said I wouldn't read it anymore."

"I want you to read this," she replied moving the letter back up to the top of the screen. She handed the tablet to him. He took it and then looked at her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I think it will do us both good," Penny said.

"Well I'm glad you feel that way because I wrote you too," he replied pulling out the pages he had in his back pocket. He didn't want to carry them in his hand before assessing the atmosphere in the apartment.

"Dr. Gallo?" she asked. Leonard nodded.

"Is it wrong that we had to write it down and not just talk to each other?" he asked.

"I would think it would be wrong if we didn't discuss it at all." Leonard agreed. They swapped what was in each of their hands and sat back to read. Penny wasn't sure how many pages her letter would have been, but she assumed that it was not as lengthy as the five pages Leonard just handed to her.

 _Dearest Penny:_

 _I am taking a page out of what Dr. Gallo suggested by writing down my feelings. I am writing to you because there is no one else I would ever want to know all that I feel. I know I did not handle what you said to me the right way. I know I became agitated when I should have been open minded. I was frankly floored by what you said. You know I'm not the most astute when it comes to reading how you are feeling at any given time. Physical science I can relate to, but something that is intangible is hard for me._

 _I wasn't expecting to see Dr. Gallo and find myself pouring out my heart to her so effortlessly. I hadn't expected to feel so liberated in doing so. I have spent my life trying to appease everyone else so much that I don't really know what it is that I want. Except for you. That has always been a constant._

 _I'm probably going farther into this than our original discussion/argument needs, but I want to express finally some thoughts that I have been holding inside. I feel that sometimes you (and possibly everyone else) thinks I see or act as if you are a mother figure to me. I believe that is false. I see you and I as equals, not as pseudo-mother/child. I never have. Yes, I have issues regarding my upbringing, and that has made me think little of myself. It's been hard to move past that and see myself through the eyes of someone who truly loves me._

 _Ironically, I see Sheldon more as being a representation of my mother. Sounds ridiculous but the more I think about it, the more I can see it. It's mostly in the way he critiques every aspect of my life. The way he butts into every aspect of my life. The way – okay I'll stop now._

 _I'm really not blaming him. He is who he is._ _But_ _I have let him have control over my worth for too long. Maybe that is why I am finding it hard to let go of him. It's like leaving home again – even if you're running as fast as you can away from there._

 _But, I need to move on from that. I need to move on to our life together. I know that we did not start our married life out the way both of us wanted. With the Mandy fiasco and spending our wedding night apart, finding out no one saw our vows to having to deal with Sheldon and Amy's traumas, we really haven't had a chance to truly enjoy married life. Maybe that is part of the reason why you need to pursue something that is part of your past. Something that is familiar and safe for you._

 _I want you to do what you want to do. Everyone should follow their dream, but I feel we need to have some plan in place that is agreeable to the both of us. I do not want to live our married life flying by the seat of our pants. We tend to let these things just blow over without giving them their proper due. I know now that is the worst thing we can do._

Leonard had read Penny's letter twice when he looked over and noticed her eyes were starting to close. She was only on the second page and had three more to go. He put his hand on her knee, and she turned her head to him.

"You don't have to finish this tonight," he said trying to take the pages out of her hands.

"No, no I want to read what you wrote."

"You're tired. You should go to bed," he said strongly.

"I want to finish this. It's important to you," Penny replied close to tears.

"You're well-being is more important to me. Let's go to bed and you can finish this tomorrow," he said taking the letter out of her hands. He placed it on the table and stood up. He reached for her, and she got up and fell into his arms. They hugged for a few minutes before he let her go so they could maneuver around the coffee table and go into the bedroom.

"What did you think of my letter?" Penny asked laying her head on her pillow. Leonard draped his arm around her waist.

"Let's talk about it tomorrow. We have the day off. Low allergy day so how about a picnic?"

"Sounds great," Penny replied and closed her eyes. "Love you."

"I love you too."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

-THREE-

Leonard woke up the next morning to the smells of French toast and maple syrup. He got up, put on his robe and went to find his wife. He stopped in the hallway to admire the love of his life busily cooking breakfast and humming a tune. He smiled, not because she was being domestic or that she was slightly off key when she replaced the humming with words. No, he was smiling because she was his. A type of stop and smell the roses feeling washed over him.

He hadn't noticed her smile as she turned her back to him to face the sink. It wasn't that she minded him gazing at her. It was more of what it meant to her. She was in her old robe, hair messy from sleep, no makeup and probably some egg on her face. But Leonard had been looking at her like she just stepped out of a beauty salon with five-inch heels and a dress that same length above her knees. She had never really known that kind of love before, and that might have been why it was a bit terrifying to her.

She turned around to greet him as he walked up to her. He kissed her on the cheek which she always thought was endearing since he wasn't always trying to stick his tongue down her throat. No, Leonard was unique and romantic and definitely not a bran muffin to her.

"So are you ready for our picnic today?" Leonard asked stretching his hand over her shoulder to get out a coffee cup. He couldn't quite reach, so Penny handed him the cup she had just freshly poured for herself.

"Yes. I thought we could pick up some salads from the grocery store. I know I have a decent blanket in the closet somewhere," she replied putting the toast on plates. Leonard took his coffee and the plate she handed to him and sat down on the couch.

"Why don't we eat at the table," Penny suggested. Leonard looked behind him and sighed. He was so used to having to eat meals while sitting on a couch that he had forgotten Penny had a real table. He got up and joined her there.

"This is nice," he said. She agreed. "I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with you today."

"Oh, me too. We haven't had that lately. Too much being involved in Sheldon 24 hours a day."

"True. I snuck out after he went to bed," Leonard said.

"Didn't you worry he'd call 911 like he did the last time thinking that the Mexican cartel had kidnapped you because you didn't leave a big enough tip at the Mexican restaurant?"

"I left him a huge message on his white board telling him I was 'with the wife at our place,'" he said proudly. Penny laughed.

"You know Emily called this morning and wondered if we wanted to do something with her and Raj today." Leonard looked at her sadly.

"What did you say?" he asked trying not to sound one way or another.

"I told her we were going to have a married picnic."

"A married picnic?" he asked confused.

"Yeah, it's the new way I say things when we want to be alone. I just put 'married' in front of whatever we're going to do." Leonard nodded thinking that was an odd but good idea.

They ate the rest of breakfast in comfortable silence, and then Penny got up and cleared the dishes. She put them in the sink and then said she was going to take a shower. Leonard told her he would handle the dish washing since she cooked and then he would go over to the other apartment and get dressed. Penny cautioned him not to get lost over there arguing over some flaw in the new Star Wars movie that contradicts one of the other six movies. Leonard nodded and left.

He walked over and let himself in. Sheldon was sitting on the couch eating oatmeal. Leonard nodded at him, but Sheldon just shrugged. Not wanting to hear any disapproval, Leonard walked quickly towards the hallway to his room.

"You're not going to say good morning?" Sheldon yelled out to him. Leonard walked backward until he got to in front of the bathroom.

"Morning Sheldon. I take it you got my note."

"Why yes I did, and I dare say it wasn't very nice of you to sneak out of here. What if I thought something happened to you?" Sheldon said sternly.

"That's why I left the note so you wouldn't worry."

"Worry? Do I normally worry about things that concern you?" Sheldon asked.

"No, not unless it has a direct bearing on you," Leonard said sadly. Sheldon put down his bowl and sat back. If he had to tell the truth right then, Sheldon would have said that it wasn't just himself he was worried about. Well not all about himself. He had knocked and then gone into Leonard's room when he got no response. He was concerned for his friend until he found the note. Then he was just mad.

"If you have nothing else to say, Sheldon, I'm going to take a shower. Penny and I are going on a picnic."

"A picnic? Outside?" Sheldon asked. Leonard nodded. "Well, I guess I could carry my epi pen and tuck my pants into my socks to avoid ticks."

"Sheldon, it's a married picnic," Leonard responded.

"I have never heard of such a thing."

"It means that Penny and I want to do something alone like other married couples do. It's like how you and Amy sometimes want to do things just between the two of you," Leonard tried to explain.

"So you are going to have coitus on this picnic?"

"No. We're just going to talk," Leonard said strongly. Sheldon shrugged. He wasn't happy, mostly because he saw the writing on the wall. Leonard was moving away from him, and he didn't mean it physically, although he knew he couldn't manipulate that for much longer. And he knew that Amy would want to eventually up their relationship even more. But that was another story for another time.

Leonard got into the shower and let the water pour over his head. He hated having those discussions with Sheldon. Leonard knew that no matter where he lived that he and Sheldon would still be friends. Howard, Bernadette, Raj and Emily didn't live in the same building, and yet they all stayed friends over the years. Amy didn't live in the same building – well for now, and she was just as important to the group regardless. Maybe she was the one who could explain that to Sheldon so that Leonard and Penny could finally start their marriage with all their clothes and belongings in the same spot. Except apparently for the Wookies and other action figures that Penny thought were staring at her during their lovemaking.

Leonard came out into the living room about a half hour later. Sheldon was still in his robe watching television. He watched as Leonard went over to his desk to quickly check his email. When finished, he turned and told Sheldon that he would be back later in the evening most likely. Sheldon just shrugged.

"After Penny and I talk and settle some things, maybe it will be time for you and Amy and us to talk also," Leonard said gently. Sheldon looked up at him.

"I don't like change," Sheldon said.

"You can't say that until you give something a try. A few years ago you didn't like holding hands and now look at the relationship you and Amy have."

"You're right," Sheldon admitted. Leonard's ears picked up.

"What did you say?"

"I said you're right. But you're wrong in thinking that is nothing more than a fluke." Leonard actually smiled at that.

"Later Sheldon," he said opening the door. He walked out in the hall as Penny was opening up her door. He called to her and asked if she was ready.

"Yes. Come help carry the blanket. I found this box I thought we could use to carry the groceries. It's not a basket but-"

"It's perfect," Leonard said. Penny smiled and commented that he seemed to be in a good mood.  
"Just trying to stay positive," he said as they started down the stairs.

Leonard and Penny had picked up some salads from the grocery story – macaroni, pasta, and Caesar. They drove to the nearby park and found a shady spot under a huge tree. There weren't too many people there so it was very quiet and peaceful. Leonard spread the blanket out and then Penny arranged the food, plates, and cups. Leonard opened the bottle of wine and poured it into two cups. They picked at the salads on their plates, both knowing that there was more to this picnic than just eating. And as happy as they seemed to be with each other, there was much from the letters the previous night that needed to be discussed.

"I'm not sure if you had a chance to finish my letter," Leonard started. "I know that I went on for too long."

"I did this morning before I made breakfast. Read parts of it again before getting dressed," she replied. Leonard seemed impressed. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Think that I wouldn't read something you wrote to me. Do you think I don't mean it when I tell you that I love you and that you're my best friend?" she asked getting emotional.

"For the last nine years give or take I've awoken every morning and was in complete awe that you were/are in my life. Whether it was you sleeping next to me, or being my neighbor and friend next door."

"You always say such beautiful things. I wish that you would accept what I say to you," Penny replied.

"What do you mean?"

"Well it hurts me that you seem to feel I'm doing you a favor by being with you," Penny said with a touch of anger and hurt in her voice.

"I'm sorry if I sound like that. I am trying real hard to come out from under the cloud of my mother's disapproval of all that I was. All that I am." He turned away to regain his emotions.

"I know it's not easy sweetie," Penny said touching his arm. Leonard looked at her.

"I still even now don't always fully comprehend why you are with me. And when I read in your letter that you seemed to want to go back in time, it scared me a little," Leonard said.

"Then it's a good thing we are talking this out because I didn't mean that I wanted to go back in time without you. And I guess if I have to reassure you for a while then I will keep telling you why I love you," Penny said.

"And that is why?" Penny looked at him surprised that he seemed to truly not know. She thought for a moment that he might be joking with her, but decided that even if he was, she needed to say it out loud. Dr. Gallo had asked her that same question basically and at that time, she wasn't completely sure of the reasons. She just knew she was and didn't give it much in depth thought. But knowing how important it was to her husband, she would try to tell him more succinctly.

"Other people don't see you the way that I see you," she began. "You know that Howard and Raj have pretty much put up with Sheldon so that they could spend time with you. They love you and through them, the girls have come to love you. But they still don't see the way that I see you."

"And that is how?" he asked sincerely.

"You are more than just smart because you are also passionate about what you do. Not to win awards but because your passions extend beyond what anyone else thinks. That passion is not just for work, but it extends to your friends also. You care about them even when they put down Princeton or your accomplishments. You are there for them without expecting anything in return."

"But doesn't that make me weak?" Leonard asked. The guys often tease him about being whipped or acting like a girl because he can act emotional. Penny too at times has done that.

"No, it doesn't. It just means that they are jealous that they don't always have the guts to express that part of them in front of the guys." Leonard nodded, but he still needed more. He kept silent only because he didn't want to come off as a needy husband. Gee where had he heard that word before.

"There's more that I want to say," she stated. "I love you because you make me laugh. You put me before yourself much of the time. You don't go out of your way to hurt me, and I don't have to ever be afraid that you'll abuse me. You are like no one else I have ever been with. You think you don't deserve me, honey, I think it's the other way around." Leonard smiled and then leaned over and kissed her.

"So to sum this all up, the nerd and the princess isn't such a bad match," Leonard said smiling.

"I think it's perfect." They kissed again. Both then took a sip of their wine and ate a little more of the salads.

"So tell me about wanting to get back into acting," Leonard said after a while. "Have you been thinking about this long?"

"It's always in the back of my mind. It was my dream," she replied. "I regret throwing in the towel completely." Leonard thought for a moment about what she had just said.

"Okay, how about this. Keep our day job for now but start getting back into reading the papers and maybe take that class you always wanted to. If something develops, then we can talk about what to do further at that point," Leonard said.

"Sounds like that might be a good idea. Thank you for being so understanding," she replied.

"I'm sorry I wasn't that supportive when you first mentioned it," Leonard said sorrowfully.

"Like I said before, I shouldn't have just sprung it on you," Penny replied and they both smiled. Then she said, "next topic."

"Should we both continue to see Dr. Gallo?" he asked. Penny shook her head yes. "Why?"

"Did you read your letter, Leonard? You have so many unresolved issues from your childhood that you need to address. I don't think that skipping jump rope completely cured you," Penny said as sweetly as she could. She didn't want Leonard to feel bad. It wasn't his fault Beverly was the way she was. But it was about time he got over it, or at least learned to live with it.

"Do you still want to?" he asked.

"I do, but if we can't swing it with the money we make, I can wait or go every other week."

"Are we compromising?" Leonard said smiling.

"Pretty darn grown up of us huh," Penny teased. Leonard leaned over and wiped a small piece of lettuce off her cheek. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment and then both looked away. It was time to address the elephant in the universe.

"Living arrangements," they both said in unison.

"I mentioned to Sheldon this morning that I thought we all needed to talk. I said Amy should join us as well because she is a big part of his life, and she's a lot more rational about things. She could get him to see the situation our way," Leonard said.

"So what do we want him to agree on?" Penny asked.

"I know that because we have more stuff combined that we should have the bigger apartment, but do we want to get into it with Sheldon about who's place it was and is and all that?" Leonard stated.

"I don't think it's worth it," Penny replied.

"Me either. So I'll put my stuff in storage as I'm sure Sheldon will want another roommate."

"Maybe Amy."

"Anything is possible with him nowadays."

"So no house yet?" Penny asked.

"Maybe in a year or two," Leonard replied. Penny agreed.

"So now all we have to do is have to do is go through with the actual move and make it official."

"Yeah but we'll still be over at 4A. It's bigger, and the whole gang fits nicely," Leonard said. Penny smiled at her husband. It was going to be tough on him to leave his buddy she knew. But they had to start putting their life ahead of everyone else if they were going to succeed at this marriage.

TBC

 **A/N: Next chapter – the talk with Sheldon and Amy. Will Leonard and Penny finally live in only one place together? Stay tuned. And thank you all for reading. This is my attempt to find Lenny goodness even if the writers don't want to go there. God bless.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you to all who are following and have reviewed. Sorry, I didn't respond personally, but I will try to do so from now on. Thanks for reading and God bless.**

-Four-

Leonard and Penny got up quickly and threw on some old clothes so they could clean their apartment. They were nervous. This was the big day. Penny felt that she was more calm the night they decided to drive to Vegas to get married even after she found out about the Mandy make out session. But as both scrubbed and vacuumed and mopped, they kept asking each other why they were so nervous about something that most people found a natural progression in life.

"Why are we cleaning Leonard?" Penny finally asked after they were close to two-thirds done.

"It's to throw Sheldon off his game. He hates things in disarray and unclean. With all things clean, he'll have nothing to divert his attention," Leonard replied standing on a chair to clean the top windows in the dining area of the apartment.

"Aren't we going a little overboard?" Penny asked as she tossed the rag back and forth between her gloved hands.

"Probably, but look at all the dirt we're getting rid of," Leonard said holding up the paper towel to show Penny. "It will help my allergies a lot."

"Well, at least, we're doing it for a better reason than because we're scared of Sheldon."

"Are you?" Leonard asked jumping off the chair. Penny wondered what he was talking about and told him so. "Are you afraid of Sheldon?"

"I'm not technically afraid of him," she said leaning against the door frame. "I'm afraid of his reactions and the fuss he makes over a lot of things."

"Yes he could win an Oscar for his dramatic diatribes," Leonard replied throwing out the numerous towels he used to clean the windows.

"Well, you know you have yourself to blame for his getting away with it."

"Me? How is it my fault?" Leonard asked appalled. "Do you blame me?"

"We all blame you, sweetie. I thought you knew," Penny replied nonchalantly. Leonard told her he had no clue. He walked over to the refrigerator and got himself a bottled water. He leaned against the counter and took a long swig. Penny came over to him and took the bottle out of his hand. She took a sip and then rested on the counter next to him. She put her head on his shoulder, hoping the closeness would take away the sting of what she was going to have to tell him.

"Honey, we all know you didn't make Sheldon the way Sheldon is. But because you let him get away with things from day one, you set a precedent that we all had to follow."

"How did you know I've been doing this since day one? I've known Sheldon longer than you," Leonard said defensively.

"The guys told me one day when we all first met. If you remember, I questioned why Sheldon got away with things that no one else would ever be able to."

"It was only because no one else had to listen to the hours, and I'm talking hours of his complaining about how his way was the better way. The man wore me out. It was self-preservation I tell you," Leonard said then sighed heavily. Penny patted his shoulder and then ran down his arm and held his hand.

"I get it. I've done it too. But today we have to put a stop to it no matter what. We need to be unified," she said holding up their hands as if they were champions. Leonard smiled at her, but he wasn't so sure they wouldn't come out of this bloodied and battered.

After taking a nap for two hours, Leonard got up and took a shower. He let Penny sleep for a while longer. Sheldon and Amy were not due to arrive for an hour or so more. Penny had nothing to do but shower and get ready. Amy said she would pick up dinner on her way over.

When Leonard stepped into the bedroom to get dressed, he saw that Penny was awake. She smiled at him as only she could, and after checking his watch, felt they had enough time for a little tension reducing exercise that was way more enjoyable than cleaning. Penny wanted to freshen up, but Leonard pounced on the bed and told her they didn't have enough time.

Afterward, Leonard stayed in bed while Penny got up and took her shower. He would need another one, but it was well worth the time spent sharing the intimacy with his wife. Penny came out 20 minutes later and went to the closet to pick out something to wear. Leonard sat watching her, once again in amazement of her beauty and that she was his wife.

"Stop looking at me like that," Penny yelled over her shoulder. Leonard looked around wondering if she was talking to someone else. "Yes, I'm talking to you, Leonard."

"How am I looking at you?" he asked innocently.

"You are not going to get out of this conversation by enticing me with sex," Penny said picking out a shirt and putting it on the bed to find a pair of pants to compliment.

"I'm a guy. I will always be trying to entice you with sex to get out of something," he replied rolling over and placing his feet on the floor. "But you got me." Penny smiled as she watched Leonard go into the bathroom to take another shower.

Amy walked up the final landing and knocked on Sheldon's door. He opened the door up and stood aside to let her in. She put down the Chinese food box on the coffee table and folded her arms. She watched as Sheldon sat down in his spot still in his bathrobe.

"What is going on Sheldon? Why aren't you ready?" she asked with a bit of impatience in her voice.

"I'm sick. I think we need to postpone this evening," Sheldon replied giving a weak and not very convincing cough. Amy came and sat down next to him. He told her she shouldn't sit too close, or she would catch what he got.

"I'll risk it," she replied and then sighed. She looked at him sadly, knowing that he was trying anything he could think of to get out of the evening. "Sheldon you don't look sick. Are you sure this is a psychosomatic response to not wanting to hear what Leonard and Penny are going to tell you tonight?"

"You know I don't go for that psychobabble," Sheldon said waving her off.

"Then why do you have hour long conversations with Beverly Hofstadter about what you deem psychobabble?"

"It's not psychobabble when it's about Leonard. Then it's what my Spanish friends like to call _La Verdad_." Amy looked at him shaking her head.

"Sheldon sometimes you can be so-"

"Endearing, smart, _La Verdad_ cannon?" He asked, cutting off what she was really going to say. Amy threw up her hands and conceded.

"Okay, if you're not going over to Penny's, then I will just leave your food here and go over myself," Amy said opening up the bags to find his dinner. Sheldon leaned forward and looked at the containers she was leaving him. After going through the ritual of asking if she got all the items he usually needs to eat his food, Amy grabbed the remaining bags and headed for the door.

"You are going to leave me here alone?"

"You're more than welcome to come, have a dinner and then talk like real adults," Amy replied.

"No need to talk. We're back together. You can move in here, and Leonard can stay with Penny. It's what every wants right?" Sheldon looked up at Amy, and she saw sadness there in his eyes.

"Don't you want us to live together at some point?" she asked sheepishly.

"Yes, but that wouldn't mean that Leonard would have to move out."

"Come and talk with us Sheldon," Amy pleaded. Sheldon shook his head no and then went back to eating. He turned slightly away from her to let her know he was done discussing it.

"Amy, where's Sheldon?" Penny asked as she opened the door.

"He's pouting in his spot," Amy replied exasperated. Penny grabbed the bags so that Amy could put her purse and coat down. Penny motioned over to the table and Amy followed her. Leonard had moved the table out so that four of them could sit at a proper table. He had borrowed two folding chairs from Howard because Penny only had two. Leonard sat with his back to the window with Amy across from him. He asked her why Sheldon was pouting.

"I think he's afraid that if you move out, then he will lose his best friend," Amy said.

"He's not going to lose me. I'm right across the hall, and besides we work together," Leonard said positively.

"Besides, won't you two be moving in soon with each other?" Penny said motioning to Amy.

"It took five years for sex, what are the odds that he's going to move quicker now?" Amy asked.

"Because he knows how much you mean to him and what it feels like to be without you," Leonard replied.

"That's nice of you to say, Leonard. It surprises me."

"Why would it surprise you?" Penny asked.

"Because Leonard and I don't really talk," Amy said truthfully.

"We talk Amy," Leonard said defending himself. When Amy told him that it was usually about Sheldon, Leonard replied, "I usually know what is going on with you through Penny."

"That is true," Penny said.

"And besides Sheldon once yelled at me for acting too nice to you when we went to that wedding a few years back. Told me that you were not for me."

"He was jealous?" Amy asked surprised.

"Sheldon has a lot of emotions. He just analyzes them to death and by that time they're gone," Leonard replied.

"You do care about him, don't you?" Amy asked.

"I do. He gets on my nerves a lot. You know he can be a handful. But he is loyal," Leonard replied.

"He does care," Penny chimed in. "Although he can have a funny way of showing it."

"He is getting better," Amy said.

"Thanks to you." Both Penny and Leonard said in unison.

"But we don't want to wait forever to start our married life together," Leonard said.

"Then let's tell him," Amy said. The three got up and quickly cleaned up the table. Leonard put the folding chairs in the closet and pushed back the table to where it usually sat. Penny excused herself for a moment to use the bathroom. When she came out, Amy grabbed her purse and coat, and the three went across the hall to talk to Sheldon.

When the three entered the apartment, Sheldon stood up quickly and practically knocked over the coffee table. He wanted to know what they were doing there.

"We just want to talk Sheldon," Leonard said taking his usual seat. Penny sat on the arm of Leonard's chair, and Amy sat next to Sheldon.

"I thought I made it perfectly clear that I did not want to discuss anything Amy," Sheldon said turning to her.

"Sheldon it was my idea to talk," Leonard replied. Sheldon looked over at his friend and sighed.

"As I told Amy earlier, I know what you want, and I know that you will do it no matter what I say. So go live with your wife," Sheldon exclaimed like Leonard was doing something so unnatural to him by suggesting it was proper to live with ones wife.

"Buddy, didn't you realize that was what I was going to do once Penny and I got married?"

"I thought you would move in here occupying your room together, "Sheldon stated.

"And what about when you and Amy wanted to live together?" Penny asked.

"Then she would move into my room of course," Sheldon replied. Leonard put his head in his hand.

"Sheldon that is not normally how it is done. Two couples don't usually live together," Leonard finally said.

"Especially in such a small space," Penny added.

"But we're not normal Leonard. You and I have always known that, " Sheldon said.

"What is really bothering you? Are you afraid we won't see each other or be friends anymore?" Leonard asked. Sheldon didn't say anything, but all three knew that Leonard had gotten to the heart of the matter.

"Too much change," Sheldon said sadly.

"Some change can be good," Penny said leaning on Leonard's shoulder. Amy grabbed Sheldon's hand and held it.

"We need to do this Sheldon. For our marriage. I will do this without you being okay with it, but I would much rather you be happy for us," Leonard said strongly yet compassionately.

"Okay," Sheldon said quietly. Amy squeezed his hand. Leonard and Penny thanked him as they stood up. "Where are you going?" Sheldon asked.

"To our apartment," Penny replied.

"And so it begins," Sheldon said. Leonard sighed as he looked at Amy and then took Penny's hand and walked to the door. He opened it and let his wife go first. He turned to look at Sheldon, who had his head down. Leonard almost said something but caught himself. He did not want to say something to take back what he and Penny had decided. He closed the door behind him.

"You were very strong," Penny said to Leonard as he got to their door.

"I had to be. For us," Leonard replied. Penny gave him a peck on the cheek before closing the door and locking it.

"I'm going to brush my teeth. A piece of rice is stuck in the back, and it's bugging me," Leonard said as Penny went to sit on the couch and watch television. A few minutes later, Leonard came out of the bedroom holding a box.

"What's this?" he asked as Penny turned around. She gasped when she saw what was in his hand.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

-FIVE-

"It's a pregnancy test," Penny said.

"Do you think you might be? Have you taken it yet?" Leonard asked much too rapidly.

"No, not yet." Leonard came over to her and sat down on the couch next to her. He was still holding the box. He didn't know what to think. Sure he had seen the first one she took that she kept in her keepsake box. And she had told him that there were others. He knew that they were not always careful, and she had said that she sometimes forgot to take the pill.

He wasn't sure how he should act at that moment. Penny seemed to be very interested in the car commercial that was airing. She hadn't looked at him since he had sat down next to her. He wanted to ask so many questions. When did she first suspect that she might be pregnant? When did she buy the test? Did she have them on hand? Do women do that? What would they do if it was positive? How does she feel about this? How does he feel about this?

Penny grabbed the box and brought him out of his state of anxiety. She went to get up, but he stopped her. He knew he had to say something to her.

"Can we talk about this?" he asked tentatively. Penny leaned back.

"I didn't want to talk about it until I knew for sure."

"But isn't this something we should do together?" he asked. "I mean you didn't get to this place without me."

"Why talk about something that hasn't happened yet?" she said seriously.

"Because maybe we should be more prepared about things that are as life changing as this."

"I see your point. Okay so talk about it," she said apprehensively. Leonard looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He got what he had asked for, but he wasn't sure how to broach the discussion. Again, all the questions he was thinking before came rushing in with another hundred or so on top of them.

"Okay," he said and let out a long breath. "We haven't talked about kids before for the most part. I know you've hinted that you would want them, but is it something you want now?"

"Is it something you want now?" she countered.

"I said our babies would be smart and beautiful the day I met you," he replied.

"That doesn't answer the question, Leonard."

"I don't know," he replied, and she looked like she was going to cry. "No, wait Penny. I didn't say that it's NOT something I wouldn't want now. I'm just not sure how I feel. You've had I guess more time to think about this so how do you feel?"

"I haven't had that long myself," she said defensively. He looked at her sweetly, and she sighed. She knew he wasn't accusing her of anything. In truth, she had only a couple of days since she realized that she was late. So much was going on with her thinking about getting into acting, and then talking to Sheldon that she just didn't have time to process it, let alone take the test.

"I don't know either Leonard. You know I'm not good at keeping track of these things, and I've had so many false alarms. After a while, you just assume that this will be one also. I guess that is why I wasn't in a hurry to take the test."

"But you left it out to take it tonight?" he asked.

"I wanted to take it earlier, but Amy came, and we ate dinner and then talked to Sheldon. I honestly forgot about it until I saw the box in your hands."

"So you think it's just a false alarm?" Leonard asked. Was he hoping it was?

"It might be," she replied. He looked at her puzzled. She gave him the impression that she was sure before that it was a false alarm, but now she sounded more like she thought she might actually be pregnant.

"Do you have some feeling that it might be positive?" he asked not knowing anything about what a woman would or would not feel at that particular time. Googling it right then was not an option.

"I don't know."

"So why didn't you sound so sure of it just a moment ago?"

"I don't know," she replied.

"Can you tell me anything that you do know?" he asked. She gave him a dirty look. He held up his hands in defense. "I'm sorry, but you have to help me out here."

"Okay, well you know that I've had all these emotions about our marriage, our living arrangements, my job, our future. I'm just wondering if it might be pregnancy hormones that are making me feel this," she said slowly, not quite convinced of it herself.

"It could be," he said to which she looked nervously at him. "Or it could just be that too much pressure made you want to make some changes." She smiled at him.

"But what if I am pregnant Leonard? I mean what would we do?" she asked looking around their apartment. "We would have to get a bigger place. Maybe not for the first few months after the baby is born but eventually."

"Would you want a boy or a girl?' Leonard asked out of left field.

"What?"

"Most men want a boy so that they can teach him sports, but I've known all along that would be your job," Leonard said his eyes glazed over. "But if we had a girl who looked just like you, wow I would be the luckiest man." Penny smiled as she watched her husband staring out into space with the biggest smile on his face. She couldn't help but join him.

"Leonard Hofstadter Jr.," Penny said. Leonard looked at her and cringed. "What no junior?"

"He would have a name that is depending on a person's accent already has 'nerd' in it. Maybe we don't want to stigmatize him from birth."

"You forgot he would be the Prince of the Nerds since his dad is the King," Penny kidded.

"How about if it was a girl?"

"My grandmother's name was Lynette. She was the sweetest, gentlest person I knew," Penny said tearing up.

"That is a pretty name. I like it," Leonard said grabbing his wife's hand. "So should we just move to a bigger apartment or go right for the picket fence?"

"Didn't we decide to wait on buying a house yesterday?" Penny asked.

"Yesterday we didn't know about Lynnie. She needs to have a playground and a swing set and a doll house."

"And little Lenny?" Penny asked smiling.

"Of course, he needs a backyard to throw the football with you and then we'd need a building for a lab to do experiments."

"Wait, honey don't you think we should know if we really are pregnant before we go further?" Penny asked trying to be the voice of reason.

"You're right," he replied and picked up the box on the table. He read over the outer packaging. "Results in two minutes. Wow, that is fast." He opened the box and handed one of the wrapped tests to Penny. She got up and went into the bathroom.

Leonard stayed on the couch and tried to come to terms with all the thoughts and feelings going through his mind. How quickly he went from utter panic at seeing the test on the counter and wondering if Penny had bought it as a precaution or as something she needed to take at the moment; to all the things he wanted to do and buy for his child. It was an amazing feeling for him, and something that he knew would stay with him forever.

He wasn't going to be like either one of his parents to his child. Boy or girl, he would give him the unconditional love that no child should have to beg for. He would have time to learn to catch and throw a football so he could participate in the fun with his wife and son. He would go in and see if he could fast-track tenure so his earnings would be secure. He would write more papers, guest lecture, teach classes – whatever he needed to do to give his child the best.

As for Penny, he didn't care either way whether she wanted to work or not after the baby was born. Maybe she could take those acting classes while pregnant and after the birth and whatever time she needed, then go out and land her dream role.

He would learn now to take care of a baby properly so that Penny didn't have to feel like she was doing it all. No nannies, just the occasional babysitter so they could have a date night once in a while. He knew it was important that he and Penny remember to take time out for each other.

Growing up, Leonard had seen everything that was wrong in how to rear a family. He knew all he had to do was the opposite and chances were good that their children would grow up just fine. Princeton or Harvard graduates. All with doctorates, but only if that is what they wanted.

Children? How many children had Leonard wanted? The usual answer was one of each, but beyond that he had no specific number in total. What would his wife want? Would she want to raise them in a city or on a farm as she was? This new realization gave Leonard some pause. What if she really did want to raise them in a more rural environment. How would that gel with his work at Cal-Tech? Well, there were more rural areas and even farms in California. It would all depend on whether or not Penny wanted to return to Nebraska to be closer to her family. He doubted it, but he would have to ask her.

That could make where he worked more difficult and possibly earn him less money at a smaller institution. Potentially having to commute and then take guest lecturing spots all over the country would give him less time at home to be with his family. But if Penny were closer to her mother and father, then she wouldn't feel so alone while he was on the road.

The phone rang bringing Leonard out of his daydreaming. He picked it up to see that it was Howard calling. They wanted to all get together the next day for brunch. When Leonard sensed that something was up, he questioned Howard. Howard would not give anything away, just saying that he and Bernadette had some good news to share and that Sheldon, Amy, Raj and Emily would be there. Leonard hung up after telling Howard that they would most likely be there, but he would check with Penny just in case.

He wanted to tell Howard that they might not be the only people with good news to tell everyone, but decided to get Penny's opinion on that. Sometimes it was not good to announce things before they had seen a doctor and were sure that things were progressing nicely.

Leonard looked at his watch and noticed that Penny had been in the bathroom for over fifteen minutes. He got up and went into the bedroom and noticed the door to the bathroom was shut. He went to the door and pressed his ear against it. He heard what he thought was sniffling. Was Penny crying? And what was she crying about? Was it tears of joy or sadness? And was the joy or sadness because she was or was not pregnant?

Unable to stand the suspense any longer, Leonard knocked on the door and called out Penny's name. She didn't respond. He started to feel uneasy, so he turned the knob. The door was unlocked, so he opened the door to find Penny laying up against the bathtub with her legs tucked under her. He leaned down and touched her shoulder.

"Penny what's wrong? What did the test say?" he asked. Penny couldn't look at him, so she handed him the stick and the instructions. He took them both and looked them over. He sighed when he saw the results. He put the things down and sat by his wife. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her, letting her head fall on his chest as the tears came.

Leonard rocked her as a tear slid down his cheek. He thought how silly it must be to anyone else to be so upset about something that they weren't even planning. But the funny thing about children or the thought of having one is that they can wrap you around their fingers before they're even conceived.

They stayed on the floor of the bathroom for almost an hour, holding each other and grieving silently. Penny moved, and Leonard held on to her tighter. She smiled in spite of the circumstances. His arms around her made Penny feel safe, but she knew that they needed to get up. The floor was starting to get cold, and her legs were cramping. She could only imagine how Leonard's arm felt as she was leaning on it for most of the time.

"Honey, we should get up," Penny said. Leonard helped her sit up and then stretched.

"Are you okay?" he asked

"I know it's silly. We weren't even trying, but I still feel a loss." Leonard held her hand as she stood up and tried to work out the cramps in her legs. She then turned and helped him get up.

"I feel the same," he said as he watched her throw some water on her face. He handed her a towel, and she thanked him.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. Leonard shook his head no. "Neither am I."

"Maybe we should just go to bed," he suggested.

"I don't know if I can sleep."

"Want to take a drive?" he asked. She nodded. "Let's get out of the city and go star gazing."

"I'd like that," she replied. He handed her a sweater and grabbed a hoodie for himself just in case. They left their apartment holding hands.

Leonard and Penny had not returned home until close to 5 am. They found a spot to park and watch the stars. They sat in silence for a good long time until Leonard had heard Penny crying. He leaned over to hug her which wasn't that easy to do in the car. They decided to get into the back seat so that they could hold each other. They talked for a while and then fell asleep. Waking just before 4 am, Leonard let Penny stay in the back and climbed into the front seat to drive home.

Once home, Leonard woke Penny, and he led her up the stairs to their apartment. They both crawled into bed still dressed and fell back to sleep. They were woken by Leonard's phone ringing just before noon. He glanced at the caller ID and sighed. Penny asked who it was.

"It's Howard. I forgot they invited us to brunch this morning. He's probably wondering where we are."

"Tell him we're having sex and don't wish to be disturbed," Penny said closing her eyes.

"Do you think he would buy me stopping to answer the phone?"

"Pant a little," she suggested.

"He'll want details then," Leonard replied. He decided to let the call go to voicemail.

"Was there a reason for this brunch?" she asked. They didn't usually see other on Sundays unless it was a holiday or some other special occasion.

"He just said that he and Bernie had something to tell everyone."

"Wonder what it is?" she asked fearing that they had gotten a different answer to the same test Penny took the night before.

"I don't know. He did sound weird, though. Giddy almost," Leonard said as he fluffed his pillow to try to go back to sleep.

Penny laid there thinking and listening to Leonard's deep breathing for a while. Knowing that she had more sleep than he did, she got up quietly and went to take a shower. She closed the door to the bathroom so as not to disturb her husband. When she finally came out, he was awake and reaching for his phone. He stopped when he heard the door opened and smiled at his wife. Her hair was tossed around her face freely, and she wore sweat pants and a tank top. She looked better than she had the night before. She asked him who he was going to call. He told her he was going to listen to the voicemail from Howard and then call him back.

"Why don't you wait until we've gotten something to eat. I'm starved," she said. Leonard agreed. He told her to give him ten minutes while he grabbed a quick shower. He met her in their living room when he was finished.

"Pizza?" he suggested.

"Pasta," she replied. He picked up his keys and opened the door for her. They walked down the stairs in silence. They met Sheldon and Amy in the front lobby.

"Well there you are," Sheldon said perturbed.

"Here we are," Penny said with a touch of sarcasm. Sheldon shook his head.

"Amy assured me that nothing would change, but the next day you both are MIA," Sheldon said hurt.

"Sheldon," Penny started, but Leonard stopped her. He could tell she was about to blow, and he didn't want her to get upset.

"We overslept Sheldon."

"You missed a good meal," Amy interjected, trying to soften the mood.

"We're going out to eat now," Penny replied.

"You also missed some big news," Sheldon said and Amy hit his arm. She cautioned him not to say anything.

"Why not?" Penny asked.

"I'm sure Howard and Bernadette will want to tell you personally," Amy replied.

"Bernadette is with child!" Sheldon exclaimed. Amy shook her head.

"It's like he doesn't hear," Amy said exasperated. Both Penny and Leonard looked shocked.

"Wow," was all Leonard could get out of his mouth. He went to turn to Penny, but she was opening the front door quickly and rushing out. He called to her, but she didn't turn around.

TBC

 **A/N: Of course this is not going to go along with whatever is on the show for the most part. Thanks for reading. Hit the button and review if you've got the time. Thanks.**


	6. Chapter 6

-SIX -

 **A/N: Sorry that this update was so long in coming. This should wrap up this story. Going to write for my other fandom CSI even though it's over because some things just do not die. Will maybe start a new TBBT story in the upcoming months. God bless and thanks for reading.**

Penny opened the door to Sheldon's apartment and all eyes moved in her direction. Leonard jumped up and walked over to her. He gave her the biggest hug he could muster without killing her and whispered in her ear that he was concerned about her. Penny just held onto him and kept her eyes away from looking at the others. She knew she probably should apologize to Bernadette and Howard, maybe to everyone else; but at that moment all she wanted was to stay in Leonard's arms.

She knew he had a million questions for her, but she didn't want to talk to him in front of everyone. Sensing that she wanted privacy, Leonard reached for the door, led Penny aside and then walked with her outside. She let go of his embrace long enough for him to look back at the others, wave and then close the door. They walked over to their apartment and once he had Penny settled on the couch with glasses of wine for the both of them, he asked her gently what happened to her.

She did not know where to begin. It was obvious that hearing the news of Bernadette being pregnant so close after Penny had her "scare" was a bit disconcerting. Penny wanted to be happy for them. She even berated herself when she walked, or rather, ran down the stairs to go back and just be happy for the couple.

But she told Leonard she just couldn't. They had been discussing so much of the past, the present and the future that she felt overwhelmed over it all. And she felt selfish that she wasn't there for her friends. That she made the news more about her than about them.

"Were they upset?' Penny asked shyly.

"Of course not. "

"What did you tell them?"

"I told them the truth," Leonard replied.

"And you think that made me look good in their eyes?" Penny asked a bit unnerved.

"Honey, I told them that we thought we were pregnant but that it was a false alarm, they understood how you might need more time to grieve." Leonard enveloped her into his arms again. She was tense for a few minutes but then relaxed. He knew then that she forgave him for telling the group what was going on. He asked her softly to continue with where she had gone and what she did.

Penny left Leonard's arm for a minute to get up and get the wine and glasses. Pouring two, she handed one to her husband. She then settled back in and starting telling him the rest of her journey. She said she hadn't known where to go when she left the apartment building. She wanted to call him, but was nervous that he might not understand. When Leonard tried to protest, Penny shushed him with her finger to his lips and continued.

"You're not clairvoyant Leonard. How could you understand how I felt when I didn't know myself?" Leonard nodded but said nothing. She told him that she had walked around for a bit, and even thought about calling Dr. Gallo. Maybe the doctor would give her fresh insight. She was on her way back to the apartment to retrieve her phone, when she decided not to call the doctor.

"I know she is a good doctor, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to delve into all that psychological crap right then," Penny said. "I found that I had my keys in my pocket from earlier so I decided to take a drive."

Penny said she had gotten onto the 134 and drove west to the 101 and then followed it to Grauman's Chinese Theatre. She wasn't sure why she decided to go there, but she just had this strong pull to walk around in the steps of the stars of Hollywood.

"I remember when you told me about the first time you went there," Leonard said sweetly.

"Yeah, it was pretty soon after I arrived from Nebraska. I spent such a long time putting my feet and hands into the impressions of all these famous actors and actresses. It made me want to follow in their footsteps." They both chucked at that.

"So going back there made you feel better?" Leonard asked.

"Not really. It just made me feel confused. My husband and our closest friends all know what they want to do with their lives and more importantly ARE doing it. You just don't understand what it's like to have a dream that you can't fulfill, and yet nothing else really grabs at your heart."

"I carried an engagement ring for over four years in my wallet. I think I know a thing or two about how you're feeling," Leonard said. Penny slide over to him and gave him a quick kiss. She then grabbed his glass and set hers and his down on the coffee table. She settled into his arms to tell him what happened when she got to the theatre.

She told him she had walked around for a while, going to her favorite spots. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at some of the most famous actresses that had ever lived. She wondered what they went through in their lives to make or break their dreams. She thought that maybe she might be being too analytical about her life and wanting to many things to be so solid, safe and mapped out.

"That is so not like me," Penny said playing with the ring on her husband's finger. "You know Sheldon accused me of changing you with my fancy genitals but honey I think you've done the same to me."

"Is that such a bad thing?" he asked. She shook her head no. "I think you are having a case of grown up-itis. The baby scare really started to put things in perspective. Maybe we need to get a bit more serious with our futures."

"I was hoping to put that off until I was at least 40," she said with a smile. Leonard hugged her.

"Well we don't have to go crazy grown up until then," he said kissing the top of her head.

"So you are okay if maybe I do try to act a little on the side?" Penny asked apprehensively.

"Baby, I will support you in whatever you want to do."

"You never called me baby before," she said.

"I like when you show me your vulnerable side. Makes me think that I can truly take care of you and our family when it comes along."

"You always take care of me. That's what I love most about you Leonard Hofstadter. You make me feel safe in this crazy world." Leonard smiled as he drew her closer to him. There would still be time to figure out houses and babies and careers and all that stuff that seemed so inconsequential when she was in his arms.

They were snuggling together and almost asleep when there was a knock on the door.

"Only a single knock – can't be Sheldon," Penny said and then yelled that the door was unlocked. Bernadette came in followed by Howard. Penny said up quickly and went over to her friend and hugged her tightly. She apologized for runny out on their happy news and hoped she was forgiven.

"Of course. I can say that now because the hormones aren't really kicking in yet. But I would watch in a few months pissing me off," Bernadette said half joking, but mostly serious. The others shook their head and each mouthed that they would behave from now on.

Howard and Bernadette sat down for a while and the four conversed about the baby and how life in general was changing for everyone in the group. After about an hour, Bernadette said she was getting hungry so they all decided to grab the rest of the group in the other apartment and head out to dinner.

"You okay?" Leonard asked helping Penny on with a light jacket.

"Yes and I'm glad that Bernadette understands."

"She's going to be scary in the upcoming months isn't she?" Leonard said, more of a statement than a question. "I'm scared for Howard."

"I think he'll be fine. Sheldon needs to worry. She wants to kill him sometimes on a good day," Penny said walking out their door.

"Don't we all," Leonard replied as he locked the apartment.

The End

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End file.
